Todd's Cavalcade of Whimsy

Can we all just agree that there's no difference between "Peppermint," "Spearmint," and "Wintergreen"? I was just at the convenience store and was overwhelmed by the array of mint flavors that gum is sold in. I mean seriously -- does anyone really say, "Curses...all they have is Spearmint. Only Wintergreen will pass through these lips!" And where does "Icy Blast" and "Fresh Burst" fall on the minty scale? Is "Wint-o-green" the red-headed step child of "wintergreen," or is it just specifically marketed towards illiterates?

Apparently there is some sort of mint rating board involved, doling out names based on the power of mint included in each flavor. Which seems a little curious, on account of there's just the one mint plant. Is it like wine, where they start making crap up like, "Ahh... this one has hints of toasty cedar, pine smoke, and brazzle-berry?" (All of which are actual wine descriptions -- except for that last one, but would you really be all that surprised?) Personally, I think this whole "food taste" thing has gotten carried away into the Land of Complete and Utter Pretention. Sure, there are subtle tastes and flavors. But would anyone really know the difference between "mesquite," "barbeque," or "mesquite barbeque"unless the packaging told them?

To each his own, I suppose. Everyone has their own individual preferences and taste palate. I'm one of those people who isn't necessarily "picky," but there are a lot of things I just don't care for. (And yes, there is a difference.) What has always amazed me is people's reactions when I tell them I don't like something. "Seriously? You don't like tomatoes?" "What? How can you not like fish?!" And the curious response of, "You just don't know what you're missing!!" Um, actually I do. I've eaten it before, and that's how I know I don't like it. See...that's how it works. I eat something; then I decide if I like it or not. It's like magic, it is.

Some people take it so personally, too. "Oh, but you've never had my salmon!" Really? Did you take time out of your day to genetically modify salmon to make it taste like a pork chop? And if your salmon doesn't taste like salmon, why in the world did you make it? Here's a little reassurance from me to you: just because someone doesn't like a certain food doesn't mean they don't like you. It's no reflection on who you are, so just take a breath. I know you didn't invent broccoli, so I'm not going to hold it against you or anything.

Listen -- I get why people like some foods and why they don't like others. They didn't plan it. They didn't just wake up one day and decide that, against all odds, they would hate guava no matter the cost. It's just a question of taste. And when it comes to taste, there's no real rhyme or reason. Unless you refuse to eat my salmon, which I swear, doesn't taste "fishy" at all.